There's a reason Johnny Carson used to host a segment called "Kids Say the Darnedest Things"-because they really do. I didn't realize this until I started procreating, but from the time my oldest began talking, I have been both amused and bewildered at the hilarity that comes out of his, and now his siblings', mouths. I began keeping track of his quips in a digital document, then progressed to sharing them on social media, where they were so well received I was asked to speak at a local storytelling event. And that was so well received I was encouraged to publish a book of parenting stories to share with a wider audience, and here it is. This book of short parenting tales is perfect for not only primary caregivers but also teachers, daycare workers, grandparents, and probably also those who like to remind themselves why they don't want kids (because sometimes we're laughing so we don't cry). It's also a great gift for baby showers to let parents-to-be have a taste of the wildness that is to come when their precious bundle of joy grows into a tornado that swings from chandeliers and rolls in the floors of public restrooms. Enjoy these stories of what it's like to be the ringleader of my very own circus.