Maddy Paxman's husband, the poet Michael Donaghy, died suddenly at the age of fifty. After the shock of his unexpected death, the funeral and the public mourning of this well-loved and critically acclaimed writer, Maddy was faced with helping their young son deal with the loss of his father. She also had to come to terms herself with being the sole parent - 'trying to be both banks of the river', as she writes. In this extraordinary account, Maddy describes how grief and bereavement reopened the wounds of her past - the loneliness and emotional neglect of her own childhood - which had to be acknowledged and healed if she was to truly find her way back into life. She learned that there are gifts in pain and tragedy, if we have the courage to look for them. She also came to understand how much the very special love of her husband had brought her, and how hard it was to lose that. Written with warmth and humor as well as searing honesty, this book takes an unflinching look at both about what it means to grieve ... and to love.