An examination of addiction and domestic violence unlike any other, "ijwd" was compiled using a lifetime collection of journals, notes, photos, arrest records, hospital documents, and candid conversations with those involved in the self-destruction contained herein. As much a research project as a memoir, details and perspective never found in domestic violence, addiction or mental health literature are recounted in a way that will relate to addicts, enlighten professionals, and educate the loved ones who watch lives fall apart. That they may understand why sobriety is so hard to obtain, that willpower is never enough for the masses who die each day fighting the battle against all types of addiction, that one person leaves a violent relationship, those are the hopeful goals of this story. Observe the origins and progression of addiction as a disease stripping away ambition and replacing it with maddening self-destruction. Medical school pressure and the rapid spiral which begins without warning, cunning, clever and chaotic are depicted without apology. Wake up from the nightmare, try to piece together the facts, understand the blackout, blood and bruises. See what happens, feel the agony and horror first hand as rock bottom is found repeatedly. Try to answer why, comprehend how indiscriminate sex, drug and alcohol addiction is as it rips away everything from anyone, anywhere, anytime and anyplace. Experience what it means to descend beyond rock bottom. Travel to hell. Wake up dead.